Gandhi...

These are from the movie Gandhi :

1.Young Gandhi is in South Africa travelling in a train and is spotted by an Englishman who complains to the Ticket Examiner on board:

Ticket Examiner: Just what are you doing in this car, coolie?

Gandhi: Why, I have a ticket. A first-class ticket.

Ticket Examiner: How did you get it?

Gandhi: I sent for it in the post. I'm an attorney and I didn't have time to -

Englishman: There are no coloured attorneys in South Africa. Go and sit where you belong!

A worker : I'll take your luggage back, sir.

Gandhi: No, no, no. Just a moment, please. You see? (Handing one of his cards to the Ticket Examiner) Mohandas K. Gandhi, attorney at law. I'm on my way to Pretoria to conduct a case for an Indian trading firm.

Englishman: Didn't you hear me? There are no coloured attorneys in South Africa.

Gandhi: Sir, I was called to the bar in London and enrolled at the High Court of Chancery. I am, therefore, an attorney. And since I am, in your eyes, coloured, I think we can deduce that there is at least one coloured attorney in South Africa.

Englishman: Smart bloody Kaffir! Throw him out.

Ticket Examiner: Just move your black ass back to third class or I'll have you thrown off at the next station.

Gandhi: But I always go first class! I've travelled all th -

And before he gets to say anything else, he gets thrown off the train at the next station.


2. This is at a public meeting where many Indians and a few English officers have gathered and Gandhi addresses them, to protest against a new law that had been recently passed by the English government in South Africa.

Gandhi: I want to welcome you all, (and looking at the English officers) everyone of you. We have no secrets. Let us begin by being clear about General Smuts' new law:

"All Indians must now be fingerprinted. Like criminals, men and women. No marriage other than a Christian marriage is considered valid."

Under this act, our wives and mothers are whores, and every man here is a bastard. And a policeman passing an Indian dwelling, ha, I will not call them homes, may enter and demand the card of any Indian woman whose dwelling it is.

Some from the audience shout: Goddamn them!

Gandhi continues: Understand he does not have to stand at the door. He may enter.

One from the audience shouts: I will not allow it! I swear to Allah. I'll kill the man who offers that insult to my home and my wife... and let them hang me!

Another from the audience says: I say, talk means nothing! Kill a few officials before they disgrace one Indian woman. Then they might think twice about such laws. In that cause, I would be willing to die!

Gandhi: I praise such courage. I need such courage because, in this cause, I too am prepared to die. But, my friend, there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill. Whatever they do to us, we will attack no one, kill no one, but we will not give our fingerprints, not one of us. They will imprison us. They will fine us. They will seize our possessions. But they cannot take away our self-respect, if we do not give it to them.

An Indian from the audience asks: Have you been to prison? They beat us and torture us. I say that we should -

Gandhi: I am asking you to fight. To fight against their anger, not to provoke it. We will not strike a blow. But we will receive them. And through our pain we will make them see their injustice. And it will hurt, as all fighting hurts. But we cannot lose. We cannot.

They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me. Then they will have my dead body, not my obedience. We are Hindu and Muslim children of God, each one of us. Let us take a solemn oath in His name that, come what may, we will not submit to this law.


3. India had gained Independence from the British. It's like it had lost it again because of this civil war that had broken out between the Hindus and the Muslims. Gandhi began fasting and told the Indians he would continue to fast until all the Hindus and Muslims stopped fighting.

A Hindu comes to talk to Gandhi and throws a piece of roti on him and says:
Here, eat! Eat!
I'm going to hell... but not with your death on my soul.

Gandhi: Only God decides who goes to hell.

The Hindu: I killed a child. I smashed his head against a wall.

Gandhi: Why?

The Hindu:They killed my son. My boy (indicating the boy's height). The Muslims killed my son!

Gandhi: I know a way out of hell.
Find a child.
A child whose mother and father have been killed.
A little boy about this high (indicating the same height ) and raise him as your own. Only be sure that he is a Muslim and that you raise him as one. Go.
Go. God bless you.

The Intercellular Substance...

Agent Smith talks to Morpheus :

I would like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals.

Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops an equilibrium with the surrounding environment. But you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is?

A virus. Human beings are a disease. A cancer of this planet. You are a plague.

And I sincerely agree with him, but THEY ARE NOT THE CURE.

B1

1. I say another thing about B, you can hear him while you are 100 metres away with an error of 50 percent depending on his stress levels. It's like belling the cat, I say, and the difference is that this B need not be belled again as he is born with a bell.

2. As one of my friends said, he has a frictionless mouth.

3. I was surprised to see his status message in an IMClient today, it was - talking .
Oh my God!, I thought, like he hardly does that. If you ask me, he doesn't need to mention that. On the contrary, he needs to mention when he is NOT talking.

The Alchemist

These are from the novel, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho :
1. "Isn't wine prohibited here?", the boy asked.
"It's not what enters the men's mouths that's evil," said the alchemist."It's what comes out of their mouths that is."

2. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect.

3.The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn. Or in the language of the desert, the man dies of thirst just when the palm trees appear on the horizon.

Gods envy us

This from the movie Troy :
Achilles ( Brad Pitt ) says to Briseis ( Rose Byrne ) :
" I'll tell you a secret, something they don't teach you in a temple.
Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal. Because any moment we might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We'll never be here again."

One-liners...( 2 )

I will keep adding to this list...( because these are my own and i can't produce them all at once.)

1. I am not sure if i is sqrt(-1) or i am sqrt(-1).

2. I am sure that i is imaginary and i am real.

3. If i imagine i in my mind, does that mean i is imaginary or i am imaginary?

4.The Attendance function is defined in the following manner:
f(t) = P, for present
A, for absent
?, for proxy and
0, otherwise

5. Our messing facility. Roti and papad. Each try to imitate the other. They succeed admirably.

6. "Variety is the spice of life!"
Yeah, and routine is the rice of life.

Window Trails......

Oooooooh! This is now a nice proof that my comp is extremely talented at cupping and it even allowed me to take a screenshot of it's miserable performance!

Honestly, I never expected it would not cup while I press Print Scr while it's already cupping there! Weird, isn't it?

The Blabber...

Mr. B (B for Blabber), as will be referred to in that manner hereafter, is a chatterbox, and known to give audio output without any input, which convinces a Communications Engineer that it (his vocal cord) is not an LTI system.

Q: How do you know if B is talking ?
A: He is alive.

Q: How are you dead sure if B is talking?
A: He is awake.

Whenever I have a row with B, I say " Just because you can talk fast and easy doesn't mean you can keep talking."

Do you believe in God?

This is from the movie 'Contact'. At a conference, A,Ellie Arroway (cast by Jodie Foster) replies to a question from B,Palmer Ross( cast by Matthew McConnaughey), in front of the selection committee, who assembled to interview the candidates to select the person to travel in the 'Machine'.
X,Y : Other people.

B:Would you consider yourself...a spiritual person?
A:I don't understand the point of the question. I consider myself ...a moral person.
X:We're sure that's the case, but what Mr. Joss is in fact asking--
B:Do you believe in God?
A:As a scientist...I rely on empirical evidence, and in this matter...I don't believe that there's data
either way.
Y:So your answer would in fact be that you don't believe in God.
A:I don't understand the relevance of the question.

Y:95% of the world's population...believes in a Supreme Being in one form or another. I believe that makes the question more than relevant.

A:I believe...I believe I've already answered the question.

Just a lightbulb jest...

Q:How many Vitto's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:Before answering this question, I need to know why you blew up the last light bulb and only then will you get a new bulb for replacement. After that you'll have to ensure that the new lightbulb does not blow up because of the same reason, or you'll be penalised appropriately.

What would you call this kind of thing?

Feedback

Look at this nice image I found on the net for feedback.

A Beautiful Kiss

Questioning your morality...

You are alone in a park with a frog and and housefly. The frog is eyeing the fly while waiting in ambush. It keeps stalking the housefly like death. The housefly doesn't know about this potential danger, but you know everything that's going on. The frog's now inches away behind the fly and you are close enough to intervene.

What do you do?

Do you shoo away and save the housefly from becoming the frog's meal or do you abstain from intervention and let the frog satisfy its hunger, therefore saving the frog instead?
What do you do?

This was one of those questions my father posed to me during my childhood.

Holi 2005, Jamuna Hostel

Laugh out Loud!!!!

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1001 - One to hold it and the rest thousand to turn the house around.


Q: How many iitians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - They give up screwing it up and connect it to their UPS's.


Q: How many Saarang Co-ords does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three - One to screw it in, one to make a T-shirt for the event and the third to screw it up.


Q: How many Sarathis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Emma?
Q: How many Sarathis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Oh! You'll die of Corona! Don't try!
( You must have a lotta capacitance to remain seated in his class, man! )


Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: How many can you afford?
A2:( This is a bit lengthy and there is a different post on this, Check out! It's very officially funny. )


In EE Dept. and in E.Engg., you don't understand anything, you only get used to it!


A black spectral dog came into Principles of Communications class the other day, and I thought " Ha! Dogs don't need any CoT to audit the classes in ESB, and after they get in, they won't get if they can get anything or not."


Q: Why did Prof. S.Ponnusamy name his dog, " Laurent " ?
A: Because it left a residue at every pole.

This is not a Weblog!

• If u think this is a blog, slap yourself.This is a blob! If u got the second b confused, how could you miss the first one?

• Nope, not jesting!. This is a blog as well as a weblog.Why would anyone want to have more than one blogs?

Of course, this is my second blog.

• Q: How can a question be an answer?

A: Why can't it be?

• Do u know that always means never ?

Check this out : If I say, " I always lie", it means that I never lie because if it's true, it must be false. So after the common factors cancel each other out you get what women never mean by always : Never

• Nothing is more necessary than the unnecessary.

• Say my name and I don't exist anymore.What is my name?

It is not Tom Lincoln, but it is Silence.

• Everything lost is meant to be found.

• Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

( He means they had got it on the average.)