The wind is always blowing but my room is always hot and humid.
I keep thinking but not doing anything. I type, I click, I scroll, I double click, I watch, I...
I wait for the thunder to come. I wait for it to rain. I don't wait for the sun to shine. I can't wait for it to get over. I don't like sweat. I hate it when the shirt sticks to my skin. Skinny. I am neither skinny nor porky. I love and I hate myself. I do and I don't like to be myself. I can see myself shamelessly taking the degree at the Graduation Ceremony. What the hell did I learn at IIT? Nothing. Not exactly nothing. Crap. Nothing I wanted to know about. The Profs don't understand the situation - but they care about us. Only some of them, though. They really do. But there are these others - that think IITs are not for students- they are for Research. But I don't understand where those researchers would come from once these "researchers" retire. They must have been B.Techs once in their life. Maybe their life was similar to ours and that's why they are avenging themselves now. By torturing us.
There is one who is extremely cranky with students taking his course and not coming in an orderly fashion. We were always approaching him like the notifications on Yahoo IM or Gtalk pop-up in your computer if you enable them. He was fed up. He said he would only take 20 idiots for the course. Like there were only 20 seats in the classroom he was going to teach in. But we still didn't stop bugging him for his scraggly signature on the CoT form. When this all became too much, he started taking all of us for the course. He sat there like a teller in a bank and started signing the forms like crazy - because we went to him like crazy.
I don't understand why the hell the Profs should filter students who want to take the course he is offering. I don't also understand what the heck his problem is if we want to take it as a Pass/Fail or credit it. They don't even know the names of the students they teach. I have never seen a Prof teaching me who knew my name. And I don't even think I should capitalize the p in a Prof. Nihilistic. That's what i feel right now.
The Profs think all the B.Techs are flits. They think we can't think. They think we are coming here for some money, or to get their shoes licked up. Some Profs start with "You B.Techs.....", when they are troubled by a student who is a B.Tech. They love M.Techs. They really do. They look like they want to marry them. Because M.Techs are kids. They come and go silently. They clean the blackboard for them. They teach the students when the Profs don't come to the class. They correct the quiz papers when the Profs go to a conference or on a tour with the fares reimbursed by the Institute. The M.Techs are silent and obedient. They love the M.Techs.
I still don't understand the ******* difference between an MS and an M.Tech. I have heard of an MS in the
Some B.Techs undergo this M.Tech conversion. They become converts. Maybe they want to study in life. But I am not going to do that anyway. Maybe they want to erase the chalk on the blackboard once in their lives.
All I feel like doing is study extensively. And study all the time. But I can't do it. I forgot all I studied my whole life. I don't remember the parts of a cell anymore. I can't differentiate between Mitosis and Meiosis. I am astonished I still remember both the names correctly. I forgot the trig formulae. I used to see Siva Sundeep do those trig transformations like the world is going to end the next day. I used to read books like hell when I was in Gowtham.
When I was at school, I was the only one who did his daily homework. And for that I used to top the class all my school life. I felt I was good because no other kid did his homework regularly. At college, I used to do these physics problems instantaneously in class when the lecturer dictated the question to the class. I was always the first to answer and most of the time I was right. But it is of no use now. 'Teacher' we used to call them at school. 'Lecturer' we called them at college and ‘Professor’ now. Professor. They profess nothing. Phonies I call them. College was where you went for the stuff you needed to learn for the Qualifying Examination. That is for the JEE. I didn't even hear the word IIT until I was in my Tenth Standard. My sister put me up for it. I am very grateful to her for it. But now that I am in an IIT that was my last choice in the preference sheet on the day of counselling, I know JEE is falling. Students are marching and protesting against the proposed reservation for those OBCs. I don't want to talk about it.
I forgot all my school friends. No contact with them for around 5 years. I am getting to know them just now, again. But I can't remember where each of them is still studying.
Study. I once used to enjoy it. I don't know if I enjoy it now. The Profs think we all know the basics. Some Profs think there are only 2 students in the class - A and B. Only A and B answer his questions. The Prof thinks only A and B do his assignments. But there are some who do all his assignments before they are discussed in class. If the Prof feels like the strength is too low - only two! - He looks at these C and D. All he now knows is there are 4 students in his class. He doesn't care about others. But he cares like hell when they come late to class. And also when the class is all shifted to one side of the classroom, nearer to the exit, ready to run. There is this Prof again who keeps jumping on the podium. Like a duck being chased. He chatters like a jobless crow. When somebody asks him a question he looks at the student like he is a madman. And before the student finishes the question, he starts answering. It works sometimes. But sometimes it doesn't. The sentence can change its course at the end. He is confused then. He thinks and says he would get back.
There is this Prof who can't operate an overhead projector. He calls a student to do it. And you should see the way he wears his clothes. His trousers - don't know if they are 3/4ths or pants. Something in between them. You could call them 5/6ths. You can see his ankles under them. They look like they are being worn since he was half a foot shorter. You should also listen to his class once - the way he pronounces some words. Lucky English has redundancy in it. Otherwise you can't get what he is saying. Ask him a question once. He can't get it the first time - because he gives you an irrelevant answer since he picked up only a few words out of your sentence. You will have to ask him again. Now he got the question. Alas! He doesn't know the answer. But to cover it up, he repeats his last answer. But we students know he is shooting the bull. But sometimes he confesses he doesn't know the answer . That too is of not much use now.
Go Vamshi ... !!! :)
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